if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So squirting runs in the family.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Im part way to drunk.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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