If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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