i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
