just tell him i said nine months
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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