some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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