Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
