i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize