OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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