Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
