just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
