he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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