Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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