She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize