I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize