I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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