I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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