Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
