I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
