how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
