Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
