Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
