You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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