i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
