I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you didnt know i had herpes?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
