My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My dick has a subreddit
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Drunk is a universal language darling
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
