he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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