He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
