Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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