I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
