i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
