There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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