i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
