He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Randomize
