The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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