my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
