Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
