You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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