1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
