I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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