We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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