People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
