My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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