Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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