did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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