Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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