A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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