Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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