Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
