I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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