How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I bet he comes in French.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
