when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
