im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
