Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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