More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
