No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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