I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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