Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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