But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
