new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
