I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
