I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize