No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
