mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
