I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
