"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think my vagina is haunted
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
